Wish You Were Near
by ShadowThief15
Summary: Near crouches amongst his toys. Regret. Resentment. Finger puppets. Wouldn't you like a peek into the mind of Nate River?


Yeah...I took a break from 'Arrows of Light' for a bit. Don't know why the heck I wrote about Near, it just sort of came to me. Hope I did an okay job!

He's such a difficult person...enigma...

* * *

Near sat alone, save for his usual clutter of toys surrounding his small white form. The lights were dim. So were his memories.

A swirl of colors and sound. Those were his jumbled thoughts.

And for Near, who usually had his thoughts laid out in stark black and white, this was extremely irritating.

His ears were ringing, and the piercing sound was beginning to get on his nerves. Near flew an action figure into the dice building he'd spent the past hour completing, mainly for the purpose of making a noise. He was rewarded with a satisfying crash, dice tumbling over one another as they fell.

Why had he needed to hear something? He knew the sound of silence, and usually reveled in it. His childhood was filled with it. It was the sound he grew up with.

Oh, he didn't know. Maybe to add some proof to his existence.

Near's calculating eyes fell upon his finger puppets, lying in a small heap behind the dice building he'd just wrecked.

He reached out for them.

Near slowly slipped three upon the slender fingers of his left hand. Kira. L. And Mello.

Kira was gone. That case was over. Near reached a hand towards the 'Kira' and pinched the brim of its cap between his thumb and forefinger. He slid it off, throwing it upon the ruins of the dice building in mild disgust.

So many lives had been lost. So many.

And all for what?

For a single person's fantasies of reigning over a new utopia. For a world full of people with only good hearts. For a world of peace.

For something that would never come true.

Kira should have realized, Near reflected, that leaving only the ones with pure hearts on this earth would have to cut out the majority of mankind.

Kira, the supposed epitome of justice, had been brought to justice.

Just like the dice building. Once elaborate and great while it stood, now reduced to rubble. Scattered fragments still remained, of course. The Kira worshippers, who revered the savior who had eradicated evil. Otherwise, the world had gone back to the way it was.

And Kira was nothingness.

Then why was Near feeling like he died a little more inside with every passing day?

A whirlwind of emotions overtook him then. Subtle. Fresh.

Existing.

Near's attention was now focused on the L puppet. He hadn't put so much effort into it. The puppet had black hair, bulging eyes, and a plain 'L' on its white shirt. Basically, it looked nothing like the real L.

Maybe Near resented L, just a little. Though the man had done nothing intentionally to Near, Near still felt resentful. Why?

Near removed the L puppet and placed it neatly beside his line of action figures. Though still a figure Near had looked up to, a hero whose efforts towards solving the Kira case were immense…

L was no longer a goal.

All that was left was…Near's gaze returned to his hand. Mello.

There it was. That resentful feeling. "L…if you had never existed, there would have been no one for Mello and I to work towards. There would have been no competition."

Near was silent. Then he spoke. "Mello wouldn't have hated me."

Near was ninety-seven percent sure of it. "L back then…what I've said to Mello…none of it would have happened." Near vaguely wondered why he was talking to the finger puppet that he had worked hard on, as opposed to L's. Maybe he needed to hear the words himself.

Since he would never be able to say them to Mello.

"Mello, Kira is dead. Just like you wanted. Though I am sure you would have liked to have brought Kira to justice yourself. Even so…I wish we could have done it together."

They would have surely surpassed L. Near actually felt angry.

"Mello, what are you? What are you now? Nothing." Near stood and yanked the puppet off his finger, throwing it onto the floor almost violently.

Near paused and looked at the sad finger puppet on the floor, crumpled in a picture of defeat.

"What…what am I?" Near crouched down, staring at the puppet. It didn't answer. "I suppose I…I'm nothing. Just like you."

Within this vast universe. A speck of white.

Near slowly reached down, and gently picked up the puppet. He held it briefly, before placing it into his pajama shirt pocket.

Next to his heart.

* * *

And there you have it. Thoughts and comments are welcome! ~ST15


End file.
